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    Couple Counseling
    An_246790 posted:
    My boyfriend of 2 years just told me the other night that he isn't in love with me anymore. I can't say that I saw it coming. The entire situation just blindsided me. I thought that we were happy but apparently he'd been trying to deal with these feelings for about 7 months. I'm still so in love with him, but he decided to break it off.

    A few hours after, when I had calmed down, I asked him if we could try couple counseling and he agreed. Does anyone have any advice on if this could bring to light why he feels that he's not in love with me anymore? I know it really varies from person to person, but I just want to understand why he feels that way. Is the counseling a good idea?

    In the same vein, if some of you have gone through things like this before, is there anything else that we can do to try and reignite the spark that was there? I'm trying to give him space, since that was one of his main issues with our relationship but I'd like to know if there's anything else that may help.
    dfromspencer responded:

    I feel so sorry for you. Things like this happen for different resons. We sometimes fall out of love. More often than not, we realize we were not meant for each other. Some, feel that the one we are with, is not that special one. The one we were meant to spend our life with.

    Counselling may help? But, if he really has fallen out of love with you, it will be a waste of time, and money. Some, during counselling, find that its not falling out of love, rather that something else in the relationship is lacking? Give it a try, you never know what you might find out?

    Best of luck to you!!!

    dfromspencer replied to dfromspencer's response:
    P.S. I forgot one important thing. Try to get him to remember what it was that attracted him to you in the first place? Then, work on that.

    Good luck!

    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
    If he is truly willing to engage in couple therapy (not just show up physically), this can help. It sounds like there has been a serious breakdown in your communication that therapy can help to fix. This might provide some of the missing pieces for you; and it might help to put the two of you back on the road toward increased intimacy. There are certainly no guarantees with therapy, but there are possibilities for it to help.

    Dennis's idea of remembering what attracted him to you is a good one. There are other possibilities, too; such as doing physically active and fun things together and doing more romantic activities. However, to know you are on track with doing something that might help, you need to know what has gone wrong. For instance, spending more time together might help if the lack of together time has been a problem; however, if you have spent more time together than he's really wanted to spend, then more time together would just create more emotional distance.

    Good luck!
    An_246790 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
    Thanks for your responses, guys. We were going to try therapy and even made and appointment, but he broke it off with me last night. He said that as time goes on, he's more sure that he's sure that he only feels that I'm a friend.

    He did meet a girl a week or so ago, and I'm pretty sure he left me for her, but we'll see how it plays out. It's a different story for a different time.

    But thank you both for your advice and I wish I could have implimented it before he decided to actually break it off. I just hope that things get easier from here.
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to An_246790's response:
    I'm sorry the relationship didn't move in the direction you wanted. I hope that you reach out for support from people you are close with; and that you remain engaged in the activities you generally enjoy. Hopefully, these things will help carry you through.
    dfromspencer replied to An_246790's response:
    Don't fret, the guy you were meant to be with is out there! He's waiting on you, right now!

    I am truely sorry it did not work out. Best of luck to you!


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