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    not doing as well as I thought....trigger
    TheSullenGirl posted:
    [TRIGGER] --------------
    space space



    I have been doing okay...up until about 2 hrs ago. Slowly becoming numb with depression. It is as if a black veil is coming over me. My head and eyes are heavy...too many emotions i suppose. The urges on coming on in intense waves.
    The thoughts in my head go between SH...overdosing...wanting to how lonely my life how I should be happy of how much I have how much I want to isolate and self destruct...etc

    I can't stop the negative thoughts. I want to SH because that pain is a million time easier to deal with than the pain I have mentally. I want to self destruct and feel loved. I want to be able to bandage myself up. I want to shut down.

    The thoughts are so strong. It is like the biggest rebound. I haven't had these thoughts for a good long while....I'd have the intermittent buzz in my head for 2 seconds and it would go away. I'd been able to fight it. BUT now It just won't stop. I'm drowning in the waves of these thoughts. I don't know if I can hang on for another 1hr. Heck...even another 15 minutes.

    lostkate responded:
    IIm not good at this but please dont be sorry, I hear you. I know what it feels like to want to be self destruct and feel loved. You are stronger than you think.
    Hang in there.

    iwanttostop responded:
    hang in there, i wish i had answer for you. i don't but i can tell you i have learned allot from your post, i am proud of you and it gives me hope, have you gone to http// you have said it helped you before.
    auntiec57 responded:
    The Sullen Girl:


    It sounds like something or someone has triggered a thought or feeling in your head. Maybe if you try to think of what is making you feel lost, wanting to SH or give up you can focus on how you can release that feeling. When I feel a trigger coming on I do anything to keep busy, call a friend who knows that I SH and if it's really serious, as in life threatening, call a CRISIS HOTLINE! Remember it's a thought or feeling and as easy as it is to say it shouldn't be able to control us, but it does if we let it. You sound like you've been able to work through your triggers before and I pray you will find out what is causing them now and get some help. Keep posting as the group of people that are on this community are very supportive. Don't give up!!!!!!!!

    A verse from one of my favorite songs by Michael Joncas:
    And he will raise you up on eagle's wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of his hand.
    washedaway responded:

    I'm really late and I don't have the right words to say right now...but know that you are loved me, by us.

    Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
    Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
    Dear SG,

    It's now almost a full day later.... how are you doing? I hope you are safe.

    Please make a commitment to yourself that whenever you are feeling like this, spiraling down like this, to call a crisis line and let them help you.

    I know this is so hard. You've been here before and you've come through it. Please take steps to keep yourself safe.
    We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace. ~Peggy Tabor Millin
    TheSullenGirl responded:
    I just want to thank those who have replied and give a quick update.

    The urges have subsided, but the depression is still here.
    My DBF keeps asking if I'm okay...but I just don't want to burden him with my woes when he has his own stress. I can honestly say that I didn't SH. But I slept off and on for about 12 hrs. I felt almost hung-over after that huge emotional hit. I just hope that this depression hit won't last as long as the others did.

    Again - thank you so much for all of your support ((hugs back)) - I truly needed it and you girls came through.
    iwanttostop replied to TheSullenGirl's response:
    YEA, i am so glade you made it. you give me more hope to beat this. thanks for letting us know how you are.

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