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    I'm sorry (possible trigger)
    off_the_wall posted:
    I know everyone is sad and everyone is struggling right now and I've been praying and praying that God would make me selfless and able to handle things. But I think I just need to get some things out because it's really hurting me.

    I'm sorry if I've been seen as being negative, dramatic, childish, and "throwing a tempter tantrum". I'm not used to coming here in pain and then each time I say something I am told to change the subject, to drop it, to move on.... I'm sorry that I couldn't be more level headed and helpful in keeping everyone united. I'm sorry that I don't handle change well. I'm sorry that I'm hurt and scared that I'm losing the only friends I have.

    I have shared my entire life here in the past few years. In a way that most others have not. I have shared with people here my real name, the names of my children, the name of the town I live in, and have shared numerous pictures of myself and my children. This is more to me than just an internet forum where people hide behind user names. I haven't hidden behind my name. I have been open and honest and trusting of the people here.

    But I feel so alone now. The last time I posted about SH, no one cared. I don't feel I can post about that or about anything else without being criticized or ignored.

    I'm sorry it's always all about me. I will keep praying for help because God knows I need it right now. I am falling apart and don't know where to turn.
    DOGDANCING_TCOS responded:
    I'm sorry if I upset you. my past makes me suspiciuos and untrusting, All these recent events have got my heart/head swimming, I too feel much like same as you.

    We are very vulerable to someone comming along right now and claiming to be Caprice. It would not be hard to do. We all love her and would welcome her back with big arms. What Cereal meant and didn't explain is, don't assume someone is who you think they are, just because you want them to be.

    Watch there posts and in time you should be able to decide if they ring true. We have many MANY mia board members, it could be any number of them. Let them reveil themselves when they are ready.

    and gawd forbid its a troll, trolling about preying on our vulerabilties.

    Gosh B its like a freaking twister ripped through here, then a cyclone, followed by a hurricane and a tusnami. He caught our breath then an earthquake, locus plauge and now a hail storm.

    and it makes me so angery that a simple common curtsy from webmd could have prevented all this chaos. a simple "say goodbye to the mods we are going to yank them all" would have been better then kidnapping them in the night.

    I feel as lost as you. where do you go to duplicate what is offered here?

    I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
    sittingbull594 replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
    hi ladies,
    I am not Caprice nor am I a troll. Ok here goes. Because I have too revealed myself and my business life I had to change my name. Now I shouldn't have to say anything else. Do you know who I am? F starts my first name ok.

    So there I've cleared the air. B you and I have been friends a long time and if i've negated you I am truly sorry. If i did that I did not mean to. I think what people may have been saying is that its not going to be like it was before and on a personal note what I have found is that "Acceptance was the key to all of my problems". I have found this statement to be true.

    I am still so anxious that i run around my house all day getting this and that done and cannot sit still for very long. So i fought and i kicked and i screamed and it went on deaf ears and so then what'd i do i screamed sui. So that got me even after i said i was alright...The damn police came to my door and stayed with me until i could find someoen to come sit with me till g got home and it was a nightmare. That was last fri. so i gave up and am just accepting once again of something i have no control over. Its all i can do to salvage what i can be or do.

    so does that make any sense? I know B how hard it is to be a new mommie and have illness. I too have lived it as you well know with ptsd and schizoaffective disorder as well as the sh. its not easy girl and i know you haven't been able to get meds and not able to get treatment and when you did the dbt skills it was a nightmare! I hope somewhere along the line it could change for you. I'm sorry too that you're struggling as badly as you are. What can we help with? That Caprice is not a moderator anymore? I wish md too hadn't have pulled such an underhanded thing! I have squawked for all they have put me thru and the board too.

    sorry new paragraph. ya know if there's some things i've learned in my own therapy is that you have to build upon what you already know. And take babysteps along the way.
    I only come to you with acceptance is the answer to all my problems because i have found over and over again it to be so true B. I put myself out on the line with an addy that turned out to be in the search with my biz. Not good ya know! down right treacherous! so new name etc. does that make more sense?

    anyway i hoped you would respond so that i could try and help better than here. on a one and one basis. but i understand your thoughts not to do that. i came back here because i need my family and ya'll need me too (i think) SK needs us too.

    I feel so badly that everyone is so outta wack. Some things are easier to accept than others. But with that being said you don't have to take any suggestions you don't want to ok. Please don't feel i am negating what you have to say. And it is about you when you write. Isn't that why we come here? I want to try and help you. Can you tell me what specifically you need? do you need to be validated. It sounds like you do. I hear you B, I see you even if its only thru a screen. I care for you and everyone here deeply otherwise i would not have come back. It

    it has ripped me to shreds what has happened here and P really hit it on the head with all her descriptions of the storms that's been happening here. We're all sad otw. Me included.

    What can we do collectively to help each other? I think your suggestion of a private board was a great idea instead of public forums where the eyes are upon us not taking off threads and such! We really can police ourselves i believe and its tried and true to what snowy kitty and llt have put forth! can you believe in that? We have been friends to long to have something in between us. Please let me help.
    off_the_wall responded:
    Thank y'all. I wish I could think clearly enough to respond to each of you. I'm sorry if I made it sound like this is anyone heres fault besides my own. I'm sorry, I know y'all are hurting too. Is it still called suicidal if you know you wouldn't act on it because you have two babies who rely on you?
    slik_kitty replied to off_the_wall's response:
    sorry otw. i never meant to get everyone to shut up. i was just trying to keep this board together, and to keep all us friends together. cuz even though we may have never met in person, we are still friends and we still care for each other. we've all formed bonds here that were threatening to be broken by what webmd did. so i'm sorry if what i said hurt you. i never meant to do that. hugs
    sittingbull594 replied to slik_kitty's response:
    otw don't you think we are our own (at times) worst enemy?
    In the sense that we just don't see the good in ourselves that others see. Do you think possibly you have postpartum blues? It's not been that terribly long since E was born. whatcha think?
    Call it whatever you might........I don't know but I do know that you need help! Please reach out to your husband and tell him how you are feeling. That is the single most important thing you can do. I don't ever remember you mentioning suicide about yourself so this is a dangerous place for you to be ok. If you find you can't keep yourself safe and you don't know what else to do PLEASE PLEASE GO TO AN ER! CALL A HOTLINE. TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND EVEN IF ITS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

    It wouldn't do anybody any good if you were gone!

    I want to take all of you and hug you to bits! Take you and squeeze you and share with you what knowlege I have in respects to survival when its in a healthier way.

    Everyone reacted to this board closing down in their own way. In the way they felt it best to be handled. can't fault with anyone over that.

    Please keep talking here all of you so that we may get it solved and all find some solace.
    Kate_Te replied to off_the_wall's response:
    OTW -
    It's no one's fault but Webmd. They are the ones who didn't let us say goodbye. We all got upset, then a troll enterred & we all took it hard. Don't blame yourself, many of us are reacting poorly to the situation.

    I think it would be considered suicidal ideation (thinking about suicide & have ideas about it). I'm glad you aren't going anywhere. Those beautiful girls need their mom. Unfortunately no one needs me. It get's tougher every day.
    sittingbull594 replied to Kate_Te's response:
    Yes people do need you! I need you! You are part of a family I have come to depend on! So damn it woman if its time to go inpatient then please go so that you can go on!


    This is going to be another thread.
    off_the_wall replied to Kate_Te's response:
    Kitty- Please don't apologize. This is entirely my fault and as usual I didn't express how I feel correctly. I already regret posting anything about this.

    Thank you SB for understanding and caring. It's what I needed to hear and I know your advice about telling husband is what I need to do but I really don't want to. He can't help me anyway. . God I'm just so tired! My job is 24 hours a day and I'm scared to leave the house and I'm just losing my mind.

    Kate_Te- People do need you. I need you. Others here need you. Your friends and their little girl need you. Your kitty needs you. Maybe even your brother needs you. Please get help, like SB said even if that means inpatient. And do post here about it if it helps.
    off_the_wall replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
    Paja- I know Caprice isn't here. And I too am not trusting things at this point. SB tipped me off enough to know exactly who she is but others who come here could just as well be trolling. I don't even fully trust that the recent drama wasn't fabricated. You just never know. And you are right, this has been one disaster after another and without any moderation I fear things like this will keep occurring.

    I'm so sorry you're struggling so much and I wish I knew what to say to help. I'm also afraid you don't like me anymore. I'm sorry if I've said things to upset you recently.
    DOGDANCING_TCOS replied to off_the_wall's response:
    yes she is. Look again. if you cant figure it out.
    I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
    rugger1369 replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
    together we are stronger...<3

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