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    why? (trigger) ?
    sittingbull594 posted:
    dont know if trigger but just in case

    i was wondering why this phenom of sh has gotten so larger than life.

    i think otw hit it on the head when she said that it works really well. my t has said that she wished it wasn't so effective. me too. for all our sakes.

    i had someone tonight open my security door that i forgot to lock after a friend left today and then my wooden door wasn't locked either..... to say the least i'm freaked. cuz the person who knocked was asking if we had a security alarm system and such to hubby who was half asleep when he ansered the door.
    i'm already on edge cuz there's an estate sale up the road and my neighboor told me that when there is that there are a lot of burglaries around! really nervous!
    i want to call police to ask them drive by tonight becuz of this?????? i've been jumpy all day an was relaxin when all this happened.
    been thinkin i'm gonna die and hubby says no i've come thru so many times of almost dieing as it is that i've got to be here for a reason. i don't even want to drive anymore cuz i drive like a maniac! i feel like i'm gonna be the one who causes an accident! i don't want that to happen either! so i best fly right!
    i've been worried all day that someone was behind me gonna off me!

    i too want to sh. but today i went to wound clinic for final treatment of the 3rd degree burns i gave myself over 3 mos. ago. i will not get full healing here regarding sensation 70-80% is what they predict will come back. i guess i'm lucky i did that on abdomen.

    well now..........all being said i now need to try and go to bed. got another headache. i don't know what the dealeo is but am tired of these weirdo symtpoms i get. nauseated too. maybe i'm pregnant. ha! NOT!

    I guess for me tonight i will go to bed. g'nite. may God keep you and bless you. Using distraction and God to keep me tonight!!!!!!!!
    It's the best thing i can do for me. Thinking and praying for ya'll tonite
    rugger1369 responded:
    hope your dreams take you away atleast for a lil while, to help you heal mentally/spiritually. your hubby is so right, you have come along away. you are strong. you are wanted. you are loved. with love
    slik_kitty responded:
    hope you are feeling better today. it's bright and sunny. sit outside in the sun and just enjoy it's warmth.
    off_the_wall responded:
    I'm sorry you had such a scary experience last night. I know I get paranoid about people being after me, dying, etc too. I hope you were able to sleep and are feeling better today. Like kitty said, if you can get out in the sunlight then do it- the vitamin D from the sun is so healing to the mind. ((((SB))))
    sittingbull594 replied to off_the_wall's response:
    I haven't been outside today cuz i've been on the phone with bff for 2.5 hours and then showered and now its afternoon. geez!
    i really like to talk to bff but when i looked at time and it was 11:30 OUCH.
    everytime the thing is when i go out in the world im having near panic attacks. i don't care for this. its because of goin g off the klonopin. i don't know why i'm so paranoid. just part of my illness.
    my husband said i have a purpose cuz i was almost dead four times from anaphlactic shock and then all the times i've o'd'd and done other dangerous things that were life threatening.
    i have to try and believe that i guess. its grey and gloomy looking outside and i know this morning wheni went for my free cuppa coffee it was chilly. i talked to neighboor who had the guy do the same thing at her house. i guess then he went to her mailbox and smoked a cig. my husband gave him to much info!!!! but he was half asleep.
    thank you all so much for being so kind. I'm trying really hard to be better to myself and even try to like me. it ain't eqasy but i'm thinking that if God would forgive me then why wouldn't i forgive myself. If God has a higher puprose for me then ... i just need to live i guess.
    i do love you all and appreciate each and everyone of you!

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