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    trigger. it only hurts me - i don t tell
    nightflier80 posted:
    It has been a while since I SH, I have thought about it more often. Why do I care as long as I am safe and it relieves my anxiety.
    in a hundred years who is going to care anyways.
    I am careful, because I love my family, but there are times I can not fight the need to.
    The answer I know is in my brain, but my brain is a dark place to try to find the 'solution'
    tnmist responded:
    ((Gentle hugs, if okay))
    rugger1369 replied to tnmist's response:
    maybe starting to tell and talk about it will bring light into the dark. and sharing here has been a brave start!
    with love and fulljoy
    nightflier80 replied to tnmist's response:
    Thank you
    nightflier80 replied to rugger1369's response:
    Thanks as no you, I just don't know if I want to leave the darkness....the grass is not always greener on the other side. I'd rather disappear, but it would kill my mother to know where I as m. I would talk more to her but she has been through more abuse at the hands of Theodore d. Walker Mims, florida and she is obviously stronger than I...I can't dump anymore misery in her life.I would still be here if she were not. Love is strong between a mother and her children.
    I am just weak an I hate myself for that.
    rugger1369 replied to nightflier80's response:
    is sharing here or in a journal a relief? I only recently started therapy, and it took awhile, but it helps. it gives me a set time and place that i can relay w/e is bothering/triggering me. I keep a journal cuz it is tough for me to recall what set me off.

    and are there any other close souls in your life? i finally told a dear friend of 15 years this past summer b/c her life is crazy and I didnt want to be a burden. she was so open and loving. granted she was worried and a lil upset that i kept it from her, but understanding. people can surprise you.
    with love and fulljoy
    nightflier replied to rugger1369's response:
    Thank you Rugger, apologize I did not respond sooner. I was having problems with a hacker posting things under my name-mean things. I notified the forum and stayed away for a while. Again thank you. I have not yet told anyone, and continued sporadically....I fear writing a journal (and I have several) that someone will find it and read it. I hope you are doing well and are taking care of yourself.

    An_261010 responded:
    Hello dear,
    I hope you are doing well.
    Please consider therapy. It really helps. The darkness may be comfortable because may be it is familiar , predictable. But outside of darkness is light and happiness and joy and all of it is easily found if we are willing to change . I hope you will go in therapy.
    Prayers for you

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