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    It's been a long time but hello (possible trigger)
    bod27 posted:
    Hey there guys, how you all doing?I know it has been ages but I have been doing relatively well and didn't want to trigger myself (hope you don't mind). The fact that I am posting here is because all is not great in the land of Bod right now.

    May be a trigger (I won't know until I have finished writing but just in case)...

    For those of you who don't know me I live in the UK so some of my terminology may be different - ask if you don't get it

    I have been struggling recently but have really noticed a problem since I gave up smoking. I haven't smoked in 11 days, having gone cold turkey (I never smoked that much and I am not even sure if I was even smoking 'properly' - which may explain why I found it really quite easy).

    The problem I have come across is that I never realised just how much I used having a fag to cope with the emotional spikes and anxiety of BPD. I am turning into a wreck. everything is coming apart at the seams and I don't know what to do. I don't want to ring or speak to my gp as I don't like wasting his time but I also can't fall apart because of my students (I support students in reciept of disabled student funding, which includes alot of mental health problems - in fact I currently support 2 x bipolar sufferers, 1 x paranoid schizophrenic, 3 x students with depression and another one who lost her father last week to name but a few) I am worried that if I have to go back into the system I won't be able to do my job effectively as some of them may see me at the outpatients clinic.

    my urges are all over the place, I can't stop the noise in my head, I am trying to use my DBT skills to avoid sh but am coping by eating - which in turn is increasing my self loathing and therefore depression which then increases the urges. I am withdrawing more and more and am swinging between permenant anxiety and depths of dispair.

    I don't expect anyone to be able to do anything (I am not even sure if anyone I used to know is still around) but I could just do with a bit of support so if anyone fancies saying hi or has any helpful hints that would be fab.

    (I have posted this on the BPD board as well)

    Take it easy and be kind to yourself

    slik_kitty responded:
    hi bod. sorry things are so rough for you now. maybe if you found something else to do with your hands that will replace having a cig in your hands in those moments. some kind of craft or a smooth stone you can roll around in your hand. toothpicks can be helpful to have something in your mouth that doesn't have calories. good luck. quitting smoking is hard.
    bod27 replied to slik_kitty's response:
    Hi Slik, thanks for replying. I have been trying all sorts of things but toothpicks sound interesting. So far I have found a combination of a number of aromatherapy oils on a hankie has worked the best.

    The funny thing is I haven't had any cravings and have found it quite easy to not smoke. The problem has been that I have used smoking as a coping strategy for dealing with the emotion spikes etc of bpd. I effectively shot myself in the foot because although I had planned well in terms of the practicallities of stopping smoking I hadn't considered I would have to cope with a surge of urges/emotions etc without having another coping strategy
    slik_kitty replied to bod27's response:
    hope you can find something that will work for coping. hugs
    frombeneathyouitdevours responded:
    Hi Bod, i just want to say that i think is laudable what you do for your students,i understand your dealing with your own issues as well but even so you want to keep on helping, you're good.

    Sorry i don't have any piece of advice about leaving the smoking , i have only smoked 3 or 5 cigarretes all my life (let's say a week) ,but you seem to me like a strong and smart man.

    i'm sure you'll fix it soon, take care.
    i'll fix it .. i have to
    bod27 replied to frombeneathyouitdevours's response:
    Thank you, I have done 3 weeks now so getting there. Still need to find a new coping strategies to deal with my sh urges but have managed not to give in so far.

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