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    First Time Sex
    An_247180 posted:
    I recently got married in June. My husband is not a virgin. I was a virgin when we first got married, and still am.
    We have been trying to consummate our marriage, but every time we try, it hurts a lot for me, and we stop. My husband also doesn't want to continue when he see's the look of pain on my face, and also hearing me say "ow" over and over. He barely even penetrates, at that point, though.
    I have a hymen (my husband hasn't penetrated deep enough to break my hymen yet), I am on a birth control Pill (Levora), I have been diagnosed with Herpes virus as well. I don't know if I have vaginal dryness ... But, just in case I am not lubricated enough, we do use KY Jelly, but it doesn't help much ... I don't know what I can do to make sex less painful.
    I don't have a high enough pain tolerance to just take the pain the first time. But I want to have sex and really make love with my husband ... =(
    georgiagail responded:
    At this point it would be an excellent idea to make an appointment with a gynecologist to check (among other things) issues such as vaginismus or a particular thick hymen.

    You and your husband can also do research on vaginismus to learn more about this.

    There also seems to be an assumption that sex the first time "must" hurt; you'll often hear crude terms such as "busting" or "breaking" a woman the first time around. This is often not the case but the idea that first time sex must be incredibly painful tends to cause far more problems than it should.

    The fact you have herpes plays no role in this; because you are a virgin it is likely you have the strain that most adults have; HSV 1 limited to the oral cavity.

    jmgg5000 responded:
    my wife was a virgin too when i met her and the first time she said it hurt a little but after the skin broke after a while it did not hurt anymore
    tbkittycat responded:
    Also, you may not have a hymen. Many women have torn their hymen during sports or horseback riding.
    aimyzodieru replied to georgiagail's response:
    have researched vaginismus, and it is definitely within the realm of possibility.
    i am going to make an appt with my obgyn soon, as soon as i my health insurance re-activates (switched from my parents plan to my husbands').

    i have been diagnosed with genital herpes type 2. i heard it can cause greater discomfort than necessary when trying to have sex the first time.

    as far as i know, i do not have type 1
    An_247180 replied to jmgg5000's response:
    thats comforting, i suppose, thank you.

    however, it does hurt more than a littler
    An_247180 replied to tbkittycat's response:
    well, i suppose it is possible that i don't have a hymen, but the only sports i have played (even remotely), are: swimming, racquetball, basketball, soccer, gymnastics (i was 9, so i don't know), and volleyball. i don't think my hymen would have broken doing any of those activities ...

    besides, my husband claims that when he does get far enough trying, there is a some sort of "barrier" and he believes it is my hymen ...
    An_241873 replied to An_247180's response:
    keep trying. my husband and I struggled as we were both virgins and it hurt a lot for me. the barrier is your cervix he is hitting. yoh are probably narrow like i was. it took a yr and a few months of trying with a lot of lubrication and going very slowly with penetration then using other techniques to orgasm after until we finally stretched out my cervix enough. try using a small vibrator to get yiu used to penetration that is comfy so your not tense. then up the girth of the vibrator or dildo untkl it doesnt hurt. also when he tries to penetrate use a vibrator to keep you stimulated externally. it really helps with the pain. you can work through it! i promise. I had a discussion on here before and those were the tips I got.

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