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    Newlywed who doesn't like sex
    newlywed0804 posted:
    My husband and I have been married for about two months and we are having some problems with sex. We didn't have sex until we got married and we were both virgins when we got married. Sex was brand new, and to be honest I was terrified of it. When we finally had sex, it was extremely painful. Yes we used extra lubricant, yes we made sure I was relaxed before entering, when once he does enter it hurts and how am I supposed to relax then?

    So we went to a gynecologist and she suggested that we use a dilator kit to "stretch" me out. So we've been using the dilator kit for about a month and a half now and I have stretched out some and he can go a little bit deeper every time we try to have sex, but it still hurts. Now, I feel like my libido has disappeared. Which is frustrating because my husband's libido is through the roof! He wants to have sex at least 4 times a week and I'm never up to that. I feel terrible every time I turn him down and when I finally do comply, I'm never really that into it, it just feels like work for me. I never organism when he's inside me, and if he tries to manually please me, it takes forever for me to actually climax.

    I really need help to try and improve my perspective on sex. I really want to have sex with my husband and I want to have fun while having sex, but right now it doesn't feel like fun. I went back to my gynecologist but she was out of ideas for me, she just said to keep using the dilator and give it time. What should I do?
    Bulley1030 responded:
    I went through what you are dealing with exactly. Got married as virgins and sex was EXCRUCIATING! We are now at two years.. sex has been quite a struggle but after many techniques, such as the one you mentioned, we are able to have sex. It hurts a little at first but once we get going its fine. What got me through the pai was using a vibrator for external exciting which helped me refocus on pleasure not pain. We still do that but we are not trying to get me to enjoy internal stimulation when he thrusts. Im not going to sugar coat it... it has been tough. But my libido is up because my confidence is up..and quite frankly I cant keep my hands off him! Holefully your hubby is supportive and not too pushy. Plus my hubby learned quick that if I didnt want sex and did it only for him he disnt enjoy it because I didnt enjoy it. Hang in there keep the communication open and dont five up!
    Bulley1030 replied to Bulley1030's response:
    eesh.. typo sorry we are *now trying to get me to enjoy internal stimulation. and dont *give up! lol oops I started a convo on here called "Painful!" there are some good tips other posters put up there that helped me.
    newlywed0804 replied to Bulley1030's response:
    Thanks that helps a lot! At least I know now that I'm not the only person who is having/had troubles with this. I'll look through other posts and then try some of the things you suggested.
    MarieChristian replied to newlywed0804's response:
    Did the gyn diagnose you with vaginismus, which is an involuntary contraction of the PC muscles. the symptoms sound a lot like what you are describing. besides the dilator, I know a lot of doctors use botox injections to help "loosen" the muscles down there.
    newlywed0804 replied to MarieChristian's response:
    The gyno examined me fully and said I did NOT have vaginismus. I dont think i need to go to extreme measures such as an injection. I'm just really tight down there and apparently my husband is larger than average. We had sex again last night and the vibrator did help a lot! Although there is still pain and I felt really sore afterwards...
    Bulley1030 replied to newlywed0804's response:
    Thats awesome the vibrator helped! It will hurt so use repitition and control him yourself when he penetrates. That helps me to control the pain since he doesnt know how he hurts me. It will take time but I am a true life story that it gets better
    bestday1004 responded:
    I also have been through what you are describing exactly, we were alos both virgins when we got married, and i was terrified and sex was just awful! (Even though my husband was SO nice about it). I have been diagnosed with vaginismus - i really think you should check again with a doctor, because it definitely does sound exactly like vaginismus - also has lots of helpful info.Vaginismus is basically any significant vaginal pain with sex and penetration that is NOT related to any structural abnormality or medical condition that you have.(Pain that there seems to be no reason for). It's generally generated by things as simple as fear of first time sex or tense pelvic floor muscles that are too tense. There are physiotherapists that are trained to help you learn pelvic floor exercises that can make a massive difference. I know how you feel - its just SO disappointing, and incredibly frustrating. I've been married for seven months now and although i thought initially that things might NEVER get better, they definitely have - so take heart - it is possible! It is still initially painful, however if you control the entry and take it slow, it makes SUCH a difference.
    Hope this helps you.....please be free to ask anything, i fell like i know just what you're going through.

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