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    Texting opposite sex
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    kristinmarie722 posted:
    If you are in a committed relationship do you think it's okay for your SO to text someone from the opposite sex. And I am not talking about an old friend, family, etc. I am talking about someone that your SO works with or just met. To me, I dont think my SO needs to speak to someone of the opposite sex, just to chat. (someone who is not an old friend, etc.) Especially if you work together. Why do you still need to conversate after work, especially if its not work related. What is there to talk about? If you want to talk to somebody, then you should be talking to your SO. I think it just leads to trouble. And if you are already texting someone else, there is probably already trouble in the relationship. I am just curious as to what everyones thoughts are about this.
     
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    darlyn05 responded:
    For me it would depend on the content of the text's, like a woman with no male family or such that she needs help in figuring out plumbing, or car troubles. it would also depend on the frequency of the texting. In my mind, anything other than my examples, any conversation to include mere friendly conversation can take place at work, or say company picnics/parties, that sort of thing. And if it happens to be that they are venting about a co-worker they work with, that can also be done discrietly at work, not off work hours. JMO!
     
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    BabyLovesPrada responded:
    Honestly? I text men in my department, My boss whenever "its always sunny in Philedelphia" comes on and a coworker whenever his Eagles are getting their rears kicked, (and he texts me when my Broncos rears are getting kicked :eyeroll: "And if you are already texting someone else, there is probably already trouble in the relationship". I am in a VERY committed and healthy relationship. Their is no trouble in my relationship and I think it is unfair to generalize that because someone text's others that there are already problems.. I think it depends on the person and the conversation they are having and if they are texting all night My texts are innocent enough i talk about a tv show and football and my husband is VERY aware of who and why I am texting them, maybe your DBF's are not as innocent, do you know what they talk about?
     
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    Tsmom603 responded:
    I agree with the OPs, it all depends on the texts and their frequency. If it?s a text here and there, I wouldn?t worry but if it?s going back and forth about non-sense or flirty stuff then that?s a red flag. Right now in my relationship, I wouldn?t be secure enough for DH to be texting any woman but I hope for a day when my relationship can be like BLP. If my DH texted my best friend?s wife about a show or something that they talked about previously, I wouldn?t have a problem. But if I saw they texted all night while he was at work, then I would say something. Is there something going on with your BF?
     
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    glitterylinette responded:
    In all honesty, I would prefer that my Husband would not text a female co-worker after work hours. However, if your SO is doing a project that needs to be finished and follow-up is required, this would not bother me at all. I believe that the type of texting that would be inappropriate is constant flirting, asking what your doing later on tonight, any plans for the weekend?these type of questions do lead to bigger issues. Luckily, my husband works for his Father?s company and no women are hired there :) I would first view the type of texts that are being sent, and then from there if there is disrespect address the issue, but I would never assume or directly accuse anyone until I personally have seen the facts.
     
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    kristinmarie722 responded:
    I didnt mean to offend you by saying "If you are texting someone your relationship is in trouble....." or whatever my exact words were. I was just being general from my experience. And this has nothing to do with my DB. This is a convo my co workers and I were having and I was curious as to what others had to say.
     
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    BabyLovesPrada responded:
    You didnt offend me. I thought it was regarding your DBF since you refered to SO in the post and did not say this was a hypothetical question.
     
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    ImMe26 responded:
    Me personally im not comfortable with any of that, luckly my SO doesnt have female friends...but he feels the same way about me...we have a clear understanding and we are so much alike..so whats uncomfortable to me is for him as well...it doesnt have anything to do with trust between us..its just not an issue we have to deal with...we are eachothers best friend and confidant (sp?)...so doesnt come up. If we disagree we take our time cool out and then address the issue from a different stand point..it works best for us.... :wink: No texting others of any kind for whatever reason is needed in my relationship, if it comes in the picture later, we will address it then.
     
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    Tomboi79 responded:
    Hmmm...this has been a problem in some of my past relationships. Why does it matter? I feel that if my SO is a trusted adult, they should be allowed to have friends...male, female, coworker or not. I view this as an insecurity issue and a terrible turn off. If you find something inappropriate, sure, address it and lay down the ground rules but to automatically assume that something must be going on because the conversation has extended outside of work is a bit much. What some people will never learn is that if infidelity is going to happen, it's going to happen no matter what precautions you think you're taking. Where there's a will, there's a way and where there's an interested coworker, there's a supply closet. Keeping tabs on your mate like a self appointed cellphone guardian will only lead them to resent you later and run them right in the direction you were trying to "prevent"....IMO of course.
     
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    BabyLovesPrada responded:
    Thank you, Tomboi, totally agree with you, DH has never ever, not even once! given me a cause for doubt, and therefore, I trust him 100%, so I could care less who he text and vise versa, now EXH, he is a TOTALLY different story........
     
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    Schmaylan responded:
    Tomboi you couldn't've said it better. I say this as someone who had a good male friend from work that i texted. My fiance freaked out and was really insecure about it and it caused lots of resentment on my part. I never wanted to cheat but if i had i woulda found a way despite the measures he took. My sister always picks jerks who have cheater written all over them and then tries to monitor and control them. She remains baffled as to why her relationships end in infidelity. If they want to cheat they will, bottom line
     
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    Contemplating19 responded:
    I couldn't care less... My gf and I both text and talk to people of the opposite sex. Some are people we've known forever... some are people we just met. However, the frequency it's a lot and it's never anything that would disrespect the relationship. And when we're together, our cell phones are off...
     
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    kristinmarie722 responded:
    Now reading everyone else's posts and opinions has kind of opened up my eyes. And I can agree with what Schmaylan and Tomboi is saying. About the whole cheating part. I guess I just feel that if SO (hypothetically speaking) is having conversations with females (that are not friends from the past, or women I know, have met, etc.) that there is no reason to even talk to them via text. Like what can they be talking about? If he wants to talk, why isn't he talking to me? My DB has had issues in the past and we have addressed those issues. But I still would feel insecure about him texting someone from work, just to "chat". But I get the whole "guardian of the cell phone" :sheepish: And if someone is going to cheat they are going to cheat.
     
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    Contemplating19 responded:
    I meant to say the frequency IS NOT a lot.
     
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    BabyLovesPrada responded:
    Kristin, I agree with what you are saying IF there is a reason for concern, but if there is not? I personally do not see a problem with it, to each his own right? :grin:


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