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    An_247346 posted:



    Feel like I just woke up but wasn't sleeping.
    Guess I'll keeping talking to myself cause I don't see no one else.Speaking here is like talking to world so let tell the world that I've ran out of juice.It's crazy and hard to explain but I'm speak from my rotten heart.The devil creeps up on you without a warning and he looks like anyone else.Has eyes,ears and a evil side and he could be mistaken and that's when you're be sorry.Today I'm gonna stop relying on the government to handle my troubles and take care of them on my own.

    I have for the past few years now and they offer little to no no one will know where you're until they know where you came from.And won't know how hard it is until it happens to me better believe it.I fought for what I needed and Some will tell you to keep fighting but that's real difficult to do when you're fighting alone.It just trickle the life right out of you like others have for the longest.Now not talking about something that happened years or months ago but a week and half ago.This is way deeper than some think or want to believe.

    For my dad I can't say in any way,shape or form that I have love for him and it's sad.He still thinks that if he wants someone/something then he get it.He tried last week and it's all my fault because I wasn't suppose to even be here on earth. I've been kicked around,tormented,bullied,beat like an animal,thrown against the wall and choked out.Tried to murdered me and I got to full out more papers,just a waste.Tear me to pieces,pieces that can't be put back together.Throw words at you sharp enough to cut and make you bleed.And to the world let this be known people think I refuse to heal but that's not it(NOT AT ALL).It's because even before I can get the burning to stop from one wound here comes another one.

    People hate me,don't care for me and won't make a difference if I live or die.They don't for someone like me and they think it's fine to play with your head.It rips you like paper and shatter you like glass but some don't see that cause the sun is still gonna shine and the moon will continue to change.I don't want NO ONE and I mean NO ONE to cry for me like they know me.Cause from the mud I've been my own team and don't need them to carry me.This is how I see it you are nobody until someone kills you or you die.

    Some saw it coming and didn't even know and the ones that saw it didn't bother to care.As long they don't to deal with it until then you're just a darken soul.That's why the suicidal rate is high cause those that did got tired of bearing their shattered soul.They had fallen so deep that no matter how long a rope was couldn't reach the depth when some finally decided to help them.Then when the person is gone then they questioning everything.The questions should come before they are too far gone if not then you'll left playing the game of---How far does the rabbit hole goes?

    This is a cruel and hateful world we live in.No matter what always believe you're on a team by yourself.Don't take someone's word when they say they have you back or follow the law when both will lie.The only person you can count on is YOU AND ONLY YOU.

    But what do I know right.Everything is my fault,I refuse to heal and move on forward or leave the past behind me.They don't even know this the usual for me at least once a month or so but hey it's me and not them.Me,my life and darkness looks the same to people and not to many wants to be roaming around in the dark.

    Well world I guess that's all I have to say.I didn't write to step on toes or for a response or sympathy of any kind.I wrote this for me cause I finally stepped out of the dream I was in my mind to realize I was truly alone in this.

    soulkeepers responded:
    I did something wrong cause this post without my name.Didn't mean for it to come out this way.Well I guess it don't matter now.
    soulkeepers replied to soulkeepers's response:
    This is starting to feel like a personal blog or something!



    It's that time again world where everyone is out tonight.That's the frustrating part of being label with this type of mental illness.Been in touch with the PD and the warrant is hasn't been sign yet so we have to wait.This one smug a__ cop thought he would offer a few words of advice.That's what has brought everyone out and some of it to cause a lot of anger.

    From that conversation it's basically the way we summed it up.

    • Do or get done
    • Step or get stepped on
    • Walk or get walked on
    • Either you shake or get shook
    • Flip or be flipped
    • You can't run from everything
    • Can you walk it like you talk it how it goes.Gotta show them that you can go where they go.
    • It's not our fault but we are paying the price.
    • Everyone's freedom comes at a price.

    The hate and anger is spreading like wildfire now.You could look at it like a street code,you know.See we have been on the wrong line for a while now.Thinking the line we were on was the ones helping us but they are the ones that doesn't want any part of it.Now that's one heck of a wake up call 4 real.Wipe the smile off your face cause you can't be friendly or they'll take it for weakness.

    OK world now here's where we are gonna give you what we got from that whole convo. We have to be willing to talk the talk and walk the walk.No jokes and no games you gotta stop being the but of everyone's jokes.Here's where you gotta do it cause there's nowhere else to go.Flipping the script a little bit here but don't wanna confuse you.

    1. Gotta be willing to fight with the lions
    2. Gotta be willing to sleep with the tigers
    3. Gotta be willing to eat with the bears
    4. Gotta be willing to dance with the gorillas
    5. Gotta be willing to strike like the most poisonous snakes in the jungle.
    6. Gotta be willing to swim with killer whales
    7. Gotta be willing to jump with the daredevils
    Even if they know still make a believer out of them or they will make monkeys out of you. What they want is what they gonna to get.When we get through they will know us cause right now they don't know.There's no such thing as protection or doing the wrong thing when you have been fight longer than you have been living.
    soulkeepers replied to soulkeepers's response:
    Well world today was a nice day but still feel bad.

    Not much to say just tired of writing and pretty much sick of breathing.

    Just don't care anymore,like anyone else do either.

    tnmist replied to soulkeepers's response:
    I've been reading, Soul, but I'm not sure how to respond. I wish I had some wise words of wisdom, but that's more DDT's dept. I am sorry that you are struggling, though, and I wish I could help.
    Every day begins with an act of courage and hope: Getting out of bed. - Mason Cooley

    soulkeepers replied to tnmist's response:
    Don't want to pluck any feathers but I knew that line was coming.That's why it's placed for no replies it's just when it comes to me people don't know what to say.Someone came on board when I asked but that won't happen again.

    And that's not anyone's dept but don't worry about nothing.See I understand why tho 4 sure.They have grown weary of this life of mine and so have I.Everyone is mentally and emotionally weary,with weary limbs.I'm just glad I can't see the weary look on their faces.Weary of going down the same road with the sameness of the crazy people.

    They see it useless to reason with a bag of nuts.So what do you do with something that is no longer useful?...Understand that too cause what we are,are already written on the body.Others will know what purpose we served when we lived.It's not like we can be turn into something valuable or anything that anyone wants.Not daddy's used up whore that have been TTG (TRAINED TO GO)

    Just useless

    Hope no one will feel bad cause this ain't their problem.


    den51 replied to soulkeepers's response:
    you are not a problem/ i just wanted you to be safe
    soulkeepers replied to den51's response:

    Just got out the hospital today but don't have a lot to say.

    Thank you for stating that and being concern.

    And clearly I am the problem!!!!

    den51 replied to soulkeepers's response:
    am glad you are out of the hospital. i really hope you are starting to feel better. i know your story and i know what you have been through. but there are people that care about you. please never forget that. and you are not a problem
    soulkeepers replied to den51's response:
    hi den,

    wanna answer you cause i would hate for you to think i don't care.oh i'm Wyatt by the way and you seem like a really sweet and caring person.everything is still in place like i told you.

    oh you know the story!

    haven't you heard it's all made up just all in the least that's how some made us feel.we're the dirty people from around the corner that no one wants to associate with.feel like the lowest person on the face of this and i are back and forth on this so i can only see what your thoughts are on this.

    i want you to really,really think and ask yourself,,,do you really think that people care about me?.....where i'm at,been or going through or even where i'm going to end up?...just sick of having my feelings emotions played with.

    i would rather be hurt by the truth than by a lie.but i only blame myself for this and everything else that has or goes wrong.i'm still on that silly s*** cause at the end of the day you only have you to face and no one else.

    got some business to handle so i'm gone! thanks

    don't frat about nothing ok!
    mandybutterflykiss replied to soulkeepers's response:

    I've been reading your posts and felt a need to respond...
    Your paragraph regarding: "haven't you heard it's all made up..." above really hit home with me. It was actually the line "We're the dirty people from around the corner that no one wants to associate with," that called out to me.

    I was an "unwanted" child... I should have been aborted but instead was forced into being born into a world that pounded into me again and again that I was not only, not wanted, but that I did not matter, did not exist as a person... I was an object to be used, abused at the will of others be it individuals, systems, government, society...etc. This went on for 45 years.

    "Do I really think that people care about you?" I would say that I am certain there are those who do....

    I felt this way but now have a loving friend, who is a sister of my heart, who has shown me she cares greatly. I have a partner now who loves me and cares. I have my cat who cares and perhaps even a few others out there somewhere who may care.

    This is why I am convinced there are people who care about you... if you will let them. Please be gentle with yourself...

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