Skip to content

    Announcements

    Attention All WebMD Community Members:

    These message boards are closed to posting. Please head on over to our new WebMD Message Boards to check out and participate in the great conversations taking place: https://messageboards.webmd.com/

    Dreading dental dams
    avatar
    KateMercer posted:
    As a female recently diagnosed with genital herpes, and still wanting to have an active sex life with my monogamous partner, I am overwhelmed and completely discouraged by the idea of dental dams becoming a requirement during oral sex. What do the other women living with/recently diagnosed with HSV have to say about dental dams? Do you actually use them? Is it even worth the trouble or should I just face a life without cunnilingus? Like most recently diagnosed people, I'm emotionally shattered, and the idea of never enjoying oral sex again is only one of many nagging fears. P.S. He has no symptoms of HSV, and had a negative result when a blood test was done.
    FirstPrevious12NextLast
     
    avatar
    jennieann32 responded:
    I've never used them. Have you asked him about this subject? I couldn't live without it that's for sure and my fiance would never dream of denying me. Talk to him. He may be willing to take the risk. How were you diagnosed? Just out of curiousity.
     
    avatar
    KateMercer responded:
    Well I was just diagnosed in February of this year. He said he wants to be as careful as possible, which is understandable. So as of right now, I don't think he's willing to risk anything. The frustrating part is that we haven't even tried them yet...I just bought some and they're sitting in the dresser drawer...so it's just this huge unknown for me right now. I was diagnosed by a blood test which showed I was positive for an "old" exposure. (yeah she said something about IGGs and IGMs but I don't remember what) My doctor did not type the HSV as far as 1 or 2...which is now frustrating me because every support website that I have sought suggests that it is standard procedure to be typed. I only requested the test after two breakouts months prior. After the initial breakout I had a blood test at Planned Parenthood and got a negative result for HSV 2. They did not test for type 1 at that time. I feel that my doctor and her office handled the entire thing in a very insensitive way. The nurse actually called me over the phone to give me the news (and I didn't even know they were testing for herpes...I was concerned I might have HPV when I requested the test). Anyway, the nurse said, "you have herpes, it's just a nuisance and you can't transmit it to your partner between breakouts, call us if you decide you want to take Valtrex". HA! Anyway, they didn't bring me in to the office to tell me I have a disease that will never go away. They didn't set up an appointment for further discussion about what to do next, what medication to take or how to protect my partner. I had to request that myself a couple weeks after the shock wore off. So in a nutshell I feel pretty neglected by my Doc.
     
    avatar
    KateMercer responded:
    Ahh! Sorry the last post was so hard to read. I don't know how to format on this site yet.
     
    avatar
    abe648 responded:
    I am glad that you found this site so we can give you a hand. It really is a pesky skin condition and I do agree with you that your Doc's office could have helped you more but hey that is why we are here. We want you to know what is important. First of all do you have the results of your tests? The blood tests. Call your Doc and ask for a copy of your test results and post them on the board so we can confirm if first you have been properly tested and secondly to see what your status is and thirdly to see if you need any more testing. The IgG blood test will be something like this. HSV 1 igg is .60 and HSV 2 igg is 2.50 or what ever they tell you. If they gave you an IgM blood test ignore those results as they are not accurate in assessing if you have herpes or not. In regards to oral sex do not settle for anything less then it being part of our normal sexual experience. Since you partner is negative then he could. get HSV 2 and if he does the first ob would be similar to the ob you had genitally but we know is that HSV 2 does not like the oral area and rarely does occur and if it does it does not re occur often and the amt of shedding is less in the oral area. So how much does he love you?. Copy and past what ever you want and let him read this so he can understand that his odds of getting HSV 2orally is not to high but yes it can happen very occasionally. Keep on asking questions so we can help you.. To learn more read the Herpes Handbook as per my signature line. Terri Warren who also has a site about herpes on WebMD also has just written a book at about $16-17.00. Tiittled "The Good News About Bad News: Herpes: Everything You Need to Know" (Paperback) by Terri Warren (Author) you can order it on Amazon.com. Now cheer up and realize that life does go on with herpes and you can enjoy life and still have a happy and normal sex life. God Bless you :smile:
     
    avatar
    jennieann32 responded:
    Doctors are stupid. I shouldn't say that because some are very good. But that doctor is stupid. Don't they at least watch a Valtrex commercial? Come on people! Even those say that you can transmit it between obs. Stupid...
     
    avatar
    kaisanan responded:
    Its really really uncommon to pass genital herpes (either HSV1 or HSV2) orally.
     
    avatar
    kaisanan responded:
    let me clarify.. really uncommon to get herpes orally from giving someone oral sex.
     
    avatar
    betsyo1967 responded:
    Personally I've never used dental dams for oral sex myself. I take daily suppressive therapy and it just doesn' t seem worth it to me to add more protection for my partner when the risk overall is already low for them - just my personal opinion though. If my partner requested us using barrier protection I certainly would. If you and your partner want to use them , in the future, consider buying flavored condoms and just cutting them open for your partner to perform oral over. Much thinner and cheaper as an option.
     
    avatar
    NicoleRB responded:
    my partner and i occasionally use condoms cut in half as dental dams but rarely...but if u take daily suppressive therapy it shouldn't really be much of an issue
     
    avatar
    KateMercer responded:
    Thanks for all the feedback. It is much appreciated. I've had my partner read most of the posting here....haven't shown him the last two yet. I guess my hope is that if he wants to use dental dams now, that's ok, and maybe he will eventually warm up to the idea of not using them later down the line. For now I feel I just have to be supportive in whatever precautions he wants to take for himself because he at least hasn't dumped me after learning of my diagnosis. I guess my other question regarding dental dams, for those who say they don't use them or rarely use them (does ANYONE use them regularly?) how long have you been doing so with your partner remaining herpes free? A couple months, a couple years, decades? I will call my doc for my test results, haven't had a chance yet. I guess I don't know what you mean by "status", Abe. As in, what my current "status" is based on the test results. Also, I'm REALLY confused by everyone posting things like "I had it for 10 years before I had an ob." How do you know how long you had it? When I met with my doctor she said there was no way to determine how long it had been in my system. Just that, I tested positive for an "old exposure", but that could mean months to years prior to my testing. All I really know is I'd been dating my current boyfriend for just over three years when I was diagnosed. (btw, I got the call on Friday February 13th. It's a good thing we don't really give a rip about Valentine's Day, what a great present that news made.) Which brings me to another issue in dealing with this disease: I'm getting extremely bitter that I have it when I'm in my mid twenties and have only slept with two people! I realize it can happen to anyone, but it doesn't help me being resentful when I think of others I know who have much more scandalous sex lives and no herpes. I realize it's an irrational bitterness I have to work through and eventually get over; I realize that others may have been diagnosed when they were virgins, I realize that my friends who sleep around may very well have it and just aren't admitting to it, but crap, I'm still reeling from that phone call in February, and getting angry is just the only option sometimes. Any tips for dealing with the bitterness? The anger? The "why me"? I started seeing a therapist to try to deal with the diagnosis, but my insurance only gave me 5 visits, and now I have one left and don't feel a ton of progress. I think just communicating on this board is helping me more than seeing the shrink. So thank you again for your honest feedback.
     
    avatar
    kaisanan responded:
    Abe was married for 10yrs before he found out he had hereps (his wife was negative), so that is why he says he had it for 10yrs before having an outbreak. Status as in - did you get followup testing ? Also, did he get tested? This all may be mute.. if he has it already there is nothing to avoid. Also, what type you have makes a difference in transmission and decisions about treatment. Unfortunately most drs say "old exposure" due to the results on the IGM test, which is very inaccurate, but yes, a positive blood test could mean years or months.. it would be nice it it could pinpoint how long you had it. The anger and "why me" goes away with time... this is all pretty new for you!
     
    avatar
    abe648 responded:
    Kate I knpw it may have been a bit confusing. But let me clarify. Kaisa pertty well explained it and I will give you more details. I could have had it longer than 10 years but I do know that I had sex with three other women abour a 1 1/2 years before I married my wife. I had not problems before this and it was approx 9 years after marriage and being faithfyl to her and I still am that I had my first ob so that is approx 10 years and maybe I had it longer than that but I will never know. Sp I hope that helps you. In regards to being angry, bitter and the "why me"? you can decide to be vengful and let herpes run/ruin your life or you can say "Hey I could have a lot of other things like HIV or cancer or cervical cancer etc etc etc so deicde in your heart to be thankful that things are not worse and relaized that we should be thankful for every day the good Lord gives us and be thankful it is only a pesky skin condition that with time you can manage and have perhaps an ob here or there with suppressive therapy. So count your blessing name them one by one and see what the Lord hath done. Think if you work you have a job and some ins there are those who do not have a job or insurance of any kind. If you have a partner that is supprotive be thankful for that and there is so much to be thankful for. BE thankful that you had approx 10 years of sex (I am just guessing) with out herpes. I have seen gals come on here to tell us that there first bf gave them herpes at the age of maybe 17 or 18 or 19. I have to admit that I should have never slept with someone I do not know who and now I pay the price but life goes on and it can for you and if you do not have a partner then ask God to send one your way so that you can be loved and cared for like all women want to be and who will love you uncondiionally. God Bless you and remember to :smile: :smile: :smile:
     
    avatar
    unhappycamper1984 responded:
    Agh, the bitterness. That's something I know ALL about. I'm in my mid-twenties, as well, and I see all my friends having casual, unprotected sex with so many different people without consequences and it makes me nuts. I was lucky enough to catch HSV-2 the first time I ever had sex when I was 16 years old! I used to feel like I was robbed of a sex life. I look back on my past and see that I've only had sex with a handful of girls, and I feel like I could have had relationships with so many more if it weren't for this virus. But now I'm starting to realize that none of that matters anymore. Having HSV-2 is seriously no big deal at all. Sure, it would have been nice to be able to hook up with a casual acquaintance every now and again, and not have to worry about "the talk". But now I'm in a relationship with the most beautiful, amazing girl I've ever laid eyes on, and she's the only person I want to be with. The one thing that does bug me is the whole oral sex thing, but now she's decided that she's okay with taking on the risk of performing it on me so long as I'm on Valtrex. So like I said, it's whatever...
     
    avatar
    jennieann32 responded:
    Camper, I'm sure you're starting to realize that it's not the quantity of relationships that matter but the quality of relationships.


    Helpful Tips

    Don't waste time on this site.
    Please do not embarrass yourselves with asking these virtual medical advice people anything real important. I didn't even get an answer. More
    Was this Helpful?
    0 of 2 found this helpful

    Helpful Resources

    Related Drug Reviews

    • Drug Name User Reviews

    Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

    FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.