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    Marijuana is the problem in my marriage.
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    An_264412 posted:
    Please anyone help me with this. I've been with my husband for 7 years. When we got married we got married through Christ. My husband was burned at 7 months old in a house fire and he has been on pain pills until I met him. He got off his pain medication for awhile and he was not in pain only once and awhile. Hy husband fell off a small cliff and hurt his back really badly. He started smoking weed for his pain a few years into our marriage. If I knew he was going to be this way I would of never married him. He spends money on weed and when I tell him to not buy any then it's like he gets mad because he thinks I want him in pain? It isn't the truth. We fight all the time over this because I'm against this stuff because I see how he changed on it. It all became a joke in life and I try to tell him to quit for God if he won't quit for me but he still gets mad saying he's in pain. I'm getting sick of it and he hates pills and won't medicate himself and he has bipolor on top of it. I want him to turn away from this and find a better way to cope with the pain or am I the wrong one here? Please help me.
     
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    Anon_158160 responded:
    The physician that manages your husband's bipolar medication should know about his use of marijuana for pain. There are other, healthier solutions to his situation. In 12 Step programs, we learn that we can only change ourselves and noone else. You might benefit by attending an Alanon meeting:
    http://www.al-anon.org/
    Even if your husband isn't truly an addict, you might find comfort realizing you are powerless to change his behavior and there are many others "in the same boat."
     
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    Timeless_Visitor replied to Anon_158160's response:
    Good call
     
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    An_264479 responded:
    You married a man through Christ that had pre-existing conditions and I assume the phrase "for better or worse" was in your vow before Christ, yet you now have worse and he needs you most and you say if you had to do it all again, you would not have married him? I feel bad for the guy. Let me see what else you wrote to see if I can maybe find a way to make sense of your obvious desperation which can make people phrase things unintentionally...
    "He spends money on weed" - Ummm, I'm not sure you can get it for free or by any other means than money. You tell him not to buy any but are you in any way being supportive or listening to his concerns? If he's concluding that you must want him in pain, I think this is answered. I feel bad for the guy,
    "We fight all the time because I'm against the stuff (any real data to back up your position here?) because I see how he changed on it. He fell and hurt his back. Have you ever had that kind of injury? I'd conclude not. Are you aware that studies have shown that people with chronic back pain are 32-82% more likely to also have depression, and some of what you describe could also be depression. http://www.spine-health.com/conditions/depression/depression-and-chronic-back-pain
    With the glaringly poor support system he obviously has, I'd venture to conclude he probably is at the higher end of that percentage. So first and foremost, I'd talk to him about that, if you can win his trust back.
    A life partner in Christ should be your best friend, your fiercest protector, your most loyal, most loving, most understanding, most helpful...getting the picture? You've failed him, not the other way around. You are even openly judging him and then trying to get others to join you. I feel bad for him.

    You may want to rethink this marriage since you are not getting out of it what you expected. He'd be much better off and probably closer to recovery with more support and alternatives. But above all, he should know without a doubt that you have his back, and you clearly don't. That alone is enough to send someone into a depression. Sheesh.

    Before marrying another, I'd suggest finding yourself. You give Christians a bad name. Real talk.


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