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    Please do not judge me
    An_227139 posted:

    I am 32 years old and recently left a 9 yr relationship willingly. My partner has not worked for 2 years and I handled most of the bills. I started drinking about 3-4 years ago mostly wine then Vodka, etc, back to Wine. MY ex also drank and stated that it was to make him sleep. I am very embarrassed but here goes. Recently I started to drink to the point of passing out and wetting the bed. I have done this over and over and even though it is embarrassing, I still continue to drink. My Ex would complain, but would still give me something to drink. this became a habit and NOW I live with my mother, and she asked me if I drink. I told her Yes and to make the situation worse, she asked me if when I visited last year if I knew why her couch smelled like Urine. I stated that I did not know. :-( to embarrassed to confess.

    I am now single living with my mother, and I have been buying wine and gorging myself. My question is WHY am i drinking when I have family and loved ones who care about me, and there are others who have Major problems and use liquor to escape. I have a decent life so I do not understand why I drink. I just wanted someone with a similar experience to help me figure this out.

    Sometimes I can go days or weeks without drinking, But then I always go back to it. MY self esteem is low, But so many people tell me how nice I am and how lucky I am, but yet I guzzle wine when I am all alone and I cannot explain the reason why I do it. PLEASE if anyone can help me to figure this out Thanks,
    An_227140 responded:
    You should be proud that you have just taken the first step by realizing you have a problem, and there is support waiting at the nearest AA meeting. That 'habit' you describe could be addiction to alcohol. I suggest you check your phone book and call the AA Central Office to find meetings and comfort. When I did this many years ago, I went to a nearby city to a meeting because I didn't want to run into anyone I knew. The first person I saw was a friend from high school! We laughed because she was there to 'avoid detection', too. That was over 20 years ago, and I don't have to live with that pain, embarassment, anguish, etc. any more. Take care.
    Thank you for reaching out for help! First of all, you are not alone in this dilemma of drinking, even though you have a loving, supportive family. Many patients I see in treatment have loving families, manage to maintain their jobs and function quite well in the workplace; however, it is in their personal life that alcohol has become problematic. Your drinking is quite clearly causing you problems and embarrassment; wetting the bed and the couch is also common for problem drinkers.

    Let me give you some hope and encouragement: alcoholism is a disease that is very treatable. Please be honest in asking yourself the following questions:

    Do I drink when I've promised myself that I will not drink?
    Do I drink to escape my feelings?
    Do I participate in behaviors when under the influence that I'm ashamed of when sober?
    Do I choose partners that drink as 'drinking buddies'?

    If you answered yes to any of the above, I would recommend that you attend an Alcoholics Anonymous [AA> meeting. I would also recommend this based on the progression of your drinking, e.g. buying wine and gorging yourself, bed wetting, experiencing shame and low self-esteem. You can call your local AA Central Office, find a meeting to attend, raise your hand and introduce yourself as a newcomer. You do not need to identify as an alcoholic; the only requirement is to have a desire to stop drinking. Try it for just one day.

    Another thought is to find an addiction counselor, which you can do by calling your local treatment center for a referral.

    Good luck in your recovery and remember you need never again feel such low-self-esteem.

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