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    5th month and feeling depressed!!!
    CortneyMarie posted:
    So this is my 5th month ttc, I have been going crazy since the very beginning. I have always had the thought in the back of my head that I can't have babies I don't really know why because I am healthy just turned 26 and other than some cysts from time to time have awesome cycles. I must say though that I swear my period has been weird ever since we started trying....light and short..weird...also I have been hormonal crazy I mean cry and through fits at a drop of a hat..I'm ready to give up already! He doesn't seem to worry but I do and I am now 5dpo according to an +opk and just dying to get a positive HPT!!!!!! Heck at this point I just want the days to fly and even if it is - I just want to have the chance to try again the waiting is ssssooooooo hard!! Just had to vent because like many of you I feel like no one understands ;(
    ATT76 responded:
    I know exactly how you feel!!! My husband and I have been ttc for a year now and I am starting my 3rd round of clomid. I too, have had it in the back of my head that I will have trouble getting pregnant. I had some issues as a teenager that made me think this, I now know the doctor I saw when I was 18 was a dick and didn't know me, just sterotyped me. anyway, I have come to realize that stressing out and getting obssesive about it will not help. I don't know if you feel obssesive about it at all, but todayI had that revelation. I need to relax and just let it happen. God will have a plan for me and give us a baby when He feels the time is right. Waiting is the hardest, but looking at every twinge, tingle, and cramp as "am I pregnant" will only make you crazier! I had ALL of that this month. I don't want to discourage you more, but just letting you know that I am in the same boat as you and just relized it WILL happen I just need to relax and let it happen! Good luck and keep us posted!
    mochabanana responded:
    Dear Cortney Marie,

    You have some very normal feelings...well normal for me anyway. I am similar to you in that I had cysts from time to time, but overall no huge issues, however I have always had a thought in my mind that I may have issues. It did take quite a while, and it felt like it would never come, but when I did finally get pregnant it was the best feeling. But then we lost the babies and have finally started trying again (November being our 5th month of trying again), and now I have those feelings again, but even more so.

    It is true what people say, that you do just have to relax. When I got pregnant it was during a time that I thought it couldn't even happen. Relaxing may also help get your cycles back on track since stress can mess with your cycle. And relaxing will help you get hormonal balance back.

    But if you really feel like your at or nearing your quitting point then maybe relax for a couple of months. Stop doing all the monitoring and charting and whatever you are doing and just chill and enjoy your husband for a month or two. I've had to do that as well and it just really gives time to re-energize and re-group and then go at it again.

    Just know that there are always people on here who can relate to where you are in your ttc journey and offer support. But also know that your effort will be so worth it when you find out your pregnant. It's worth all the frustrations, so don't give up.
    CortneyMarie replied to mochabanana's response:
    Thanks girls!! I have been thinking about just taking a break with the opk's and timed intercourse things are just crazy right now in life in general I am about to graduate school, we are in a custody battle for his daughter who we now have 50/50 custody of and want full time, to top it off his sister who is pregnant with a drug problem is moving in today until she gets sent to rehab.........ooohhhh yeah my life is craziness and I don't want to give up ttc because it is something I want for "myself" and everything else are things that I care deeply about but none of it really is at the center for me, if that makes any sense. At the same time I just feel like waiting for things to settle down maybe better on my sanity and at the same time there is always something going on because thats just life so whats the harm in trying, if it happen it happens right...LOL if I could only view it that way!! Well good luck to you girls Im going to try and stop thinking about it so much but I will keep you updated for sure!! And do the same good news would be nice
    ATT76 replied to CortneyMarie's response:
    WOW...I guess you have a lot going on!!! All this craziness probably isn't helping the ttc bit! I know for me when I first started coming to these boards they were a great relief to me...finally someone else I can talk to...even if they don't respond I at least got to tell someone what is going on! That is why I finally just realized that I need to relax. Even my husband said I was obsessing. I have told myself that I can only come to these boards twice a day tops (used to be on them every free chance I had) and to just go with everything. It seems to have taken a huge weight off my shoulders. I am 35 and I think that was also weighing on me, I guess like my doctor told me, it will happen, but you can never try to hard! Well cortneymarie you sound like a great person to talk to on these boards. We will have to keep tabs on eachother. Good luck with all your craziness and the ttc! I hope we both get the baby we desire!!!!!! Keep me posted!!!!!!!!
    CortneyMarie replied to ATT76's response:
    Oh jeepers yep thats me!!! On here all the time, I'm new though so I am finding relief in reading all the discussions it makes me some how forget about "me" for a bit. Then I again it makes me feel even more obsessive in a way...oh well... Good news is that his sister is getting and earlier date into rehab so she won't be moving in. Also I have 16 more days left of school so that stress will be gone as well which is HUGE!!!! Your previous post says that your on your 3rd round of clomid do you have pcos, how long have you been trying. A friend of mine was on it for 1 cycle, it didn't work but she got her blessing in the form of adopting a brand new baby girl which is so amazing that she finally got her bundle of joy she had been trying for 3 yrs. I cried so much lol!!
    I will def keep you posted and likewise I just got my flu and tdap shots yesterday, they said it wouldn't effect anything so tomorrow is 10dpo so I'm thinking I'll test although I know very well it could be too early. BTW has crazy cheap opks and hpts I use them and the opks seem to work so far I have had positives the same cycle day since I started using them, 2 months now.. Anyway keep me posted good luck and a pound of baby dust
    ATT76 replied to CortneyMarie's response:
    I do not have pcos, but a few years ago had endomitreosis (probably spelled wrong), anyway, not sure if that is back or not. The doctor won't do any exploratory surgery until all other options have been exhausted. We have been trying for a year now and I have to say I really thought it wouldn't take long. MY doctor was optimistic and even though I thought I would have trouble, never really thought I would. I just started the 3rd round of clomid yesterday (thursday) and go in for my follicle u/s on Friday Nov. 11th. We will see if this round will work or not. I bought new opk's this month and am hoping that the digital ones will be better then the ones I was using. Well good luck and talk to you soon!!!
    CortneyMarie replied to ATT76's response:
    Good luck and keep me updated. I'm on 11th dpo and just dying to test but am fearing a negative I feel like this month is different yet I don't want to get my hopes up. My boyfriend and I were talking about it and I told him I have a little feeling that this month is the month just because of a few symptoms, very light cramping more like a warm twinge than anything, lower back pain on and off and gas like CRAZY!!! Well I was trying to keep it to myself that my hopes are up but I just couldn't lol I am such a blabber mouth, I just let him know that when AF starts he better realize that I am going to be a wreck more than normal lol...But it was nice it got us talking and he actually opened up about how much he actually thinks about it and is kind of stressed and that it bothers him too that all these ppl around us mostly ppl who don't want or won't take care of the kids are getting pregnant !! It was nice to realize that he feels the same way so I'm not entirely just a crazy female. I don't think he can truly understand what it is like for us because it is our bodies so we feel every little twinge, we know our cycle to a T and count days endlessly!!!! Anyway I hope everything goes great and I hope we both have good news soon!!!

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